“Free writing is a prewriting technique in which a person writes continuously for a set period of time without regard to spelling, grammar, or topic. It produces raw, often unusable material, but helps writers overcome blocks of apathy and self-criticism.”
I’ve been free writing for years without realising that’s what I was doing.
Now, I free write on a weekly basis, and despite most people not producing usable material, for me, there is always something reusable from my free writing sessions.
So how did I start?
The Beginning
I’ve always loved creative writing, and in school my teachers all encouraged me to write more – I was the kid with the amazing imagination where everything was possible.
I loved telling the stories I’d made up in my head. I never minded when homework was a creative writing essay. I loved it!
As I got older, and school encouraged me less to use my imagination, my writing changed to the factual style of an essay.
Becoming analytical, critical and opinionated. Be it from arguing a photographers intention, to depicting a poem on racism. By the time I was in my mid teens I realised the power I had.
I could whip up an essay of horse crap in a couple of hours, and still get one of the highest marks in the class. (Unfortunately I didn’t work this out a year earlier to get better grades!)
By the time I reached college, I had the system worked out.
College was easy. I became lazy and apathetic. The essays didn’t challenge me. I didn’t realise how bright I actually was.
I went to a pretentious school that loved to make me feel inferior. Going from a mediocre student (though as mentioned, I cracked the system mere months before I left school) to suddenly being one of the top of the class, I didn’t know how to deal.
So I didn’t. I buried my head in the sand, doing the minimum amount of work to get by.
Not caring about college or grades. The essays were easy to churn out each week, hours before the deadline was due.
I became so good I even started helping my friends. Sitting down with them after college helping them write and structure their essays. At the end of each session they’d all thank me and ask me when I’d finished mine.
More often than not, I wouldn’t have even started mine. Much to their shock.
Upon leaving college, I got a full time job, and my work ethic came back with a vengeance. After 2 years of not being challenged, I thrived in the working environment to learn every new thing I could.
I worked long hours, and I worked damn hard. But it wasn’t enough. Soon I grew bored, and with boredom came laziness.
So I changed jobs. Became a project manager, and the cycle started all over again.
And my writing changed… Again… Long gone was the little girl who wrote about genies and fairies. Gone was the teen that argued John Agard’s poem ‘Half Caste’. Instead, there was the young woman detailing project plans, risks and finances.
I learnt to write legal documents, and found out I was good at it.
Even now, my family will send me legal documents to check over for them to make sure all is in order, be it from employment contracts, holiday terms and conditions to even a last will and testimony.
Throughout this whole journey, one thing became a constant, writing came easy.
It wasn’t for another couple of years that I’d learn about free writing, but by then it didn’t matter… I’d already been doing it years…
The First Time
I still remember the first time I free wrote.
It was October 2013 and I’d had a big fight with my mum. Even though she didn’t pass for another 2.5 years, this was still one of our last arguments we ever had – shows how in sync we usually were!
Anyway, I’d decided to spend a couple of days with my dad to sort my head out.
I remember sitting at work staring at my laptop, too depressed to work. By this time, my mum had just had radio therapy. In an effort to protect me, she never told me the full extent of her illness. It became a point of conflict. I didn’t understand where she was coming from, why she felt the way she felt. I didn’t realise she was dying.
She was mum. Superwoman. Even cancer couldn’t kill her. She’d promised me that.
But I digress, so here we are in October 2013, me 50 shades of depressed, not being able to focus on anything.
I remember opening up a blank email… And I just started typing.
I didn’t think, I just typed. I let it all out. All the pain and anguish. All the confusion. All the hurt.
I poured my soul into the keyboard, watching the words fly across the page. I couldn’t stop. It became a need to get it all out.
I wrote for 40mins, and when I was done, I saved the email in a folder, and I haven’t looked at it since.
I did this continuously for 3 days.
Months later, when I became overwhelmed again, I did the same.
This continued for 3 years… It wasn’t until about a year ago I really realised what free writing was, and I’d subconsciously been doing it for years.
The Now
Now… Now I free write weekly, at minimum and have been doing so for well over a year.
But again, I’ve seen a change in my writing style.
Now me free writing comes in 2 forms;
- This Blog
- Letters
This blog has been a massive creative outlet for me. If you were to look at all the posts in the personal category they’re all written using free writing.
I don’t plan the personal posts, the ones where I explain my feelings and emotions. I write them when I need to. When I need to express myself to the world, or I’m unsure what path to take… I’ll write a post for this blog.
I’ll become consumed, fingers flying across the keyboard like a demon. At the end, I’ll read it through, make sure it’s coherent, and then hit publish for all you beautiful people to read.
All the posts have an element of free writing, especially when talking about travelling lows.
But, The first real post I shared that was completely 100% free written was The Agony Of Travelling Without My Safety Net; An Honest Piece On How I’m Really Feeling.
I was sitting in my room in Rome, and the words came pouring out. I needed the world to know how broken I was.
With tears streaming down my face, fingers shaking… I hit publish. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. The whole world was about to know my innermost thoughts…
I’d never shown anyone this style of writing… What would they think!?
I went to sleep, and when I woke up, my phone was flooded by messages…
Messages of love and support. Everyone was calling me brave. Everyone was supporting me.
I’d never felt so safe and warm since losing my mum.
Others responded. People I’d never met, telling me they understood my pain. Saying how reading that post helped. And that’s what gave me the courage and inspiration to make free writing such an integral part of my blog.
Letters To My Mum
The other form of free writing I do is letters to my mum.
I write to her, and I tell her everything. How I’m feeling, what I’m doing, what I’m confused about. Everything.
I have every single letter saved.
When I started writing to my mum, it became a way of coping with her loss. I wrote to her as if she weren’t ill. I could tell her anything, same as before.
As time wore on, I started to realise just exactly what I had in those letters; a perfectly detailed chronicle of the stages of grief, from first hand experience, as it happened.
One day, I’d like to be able to read those letters, maybe even publish them so others can see. Grievers can see they’re not alone, and others too feel this all consuming pain, even when it feels like no one understands.
Non grievers can read, and get a true insight into what it’s like to lose someone. To see what they’re friends may be going through, so they’ll be better equipt to help them.
That’s the ultimate goal. When I’m ready. I’m not quite ready for my full story to be told yet, but one day.
Until then, my story is not yet over.
So, my dear readers, I urge you, put pen to paper, or fingers to keys and just write. Don’t think, write. Whatever’s in your heart.
I think you’ll be amazed by that you find…
Dad: Aren’t those male cows?
offwiththefairies 